420 ftw
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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