If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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