he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
