At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
