I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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