Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
