So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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