A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
