I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
