I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
