I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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