watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
