ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
