we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just gargled with NyQuil
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
