That's when you crack a 10am beer
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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