I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
