Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
