Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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