Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
