Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
