fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
