I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
