"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
