It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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