I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
