I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
