your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
