bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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