Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
