i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
