I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize