i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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