I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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