im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
