I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
