i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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