youre lurking in front of me
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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