is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
