Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize