the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
