You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
