I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
