I can tuck mytits in my pants
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
