No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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