yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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