I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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