Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
