I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize