this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
