Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
