I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
