I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
