I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize