we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
