And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
