i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
