Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
