standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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