i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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