lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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