Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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