My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Sorry my hands just texted you
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
