as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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