i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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