Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
