Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
