Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
