i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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