you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
