also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
