You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
