did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
